A strange but happy anniversary

So, it’s not quite an anniversary, but it’s close enough that it started me thinking. It’s been nearly a year since I split up with my ex, Daniel…and it has been the best near-year of my life.

I have done a load of travelling, seen a serious amount of live music, including bands I never thought I would ever get to see. I have made lots of new friends, but more importantly I have reconnected with old friends, who I had sacrificed in order to stay in a relationship that I couldn’t admit that I didn’t want to be in.

I am now happy, truly happy. I am happy with my life, and the key thing is – I am happy with me.

I made a decision after I split up with Dan that I was no longer just going to put up with what made me unhappy. No-one deserves that…least of all me, because I am awesome. I had stayed with Dan for 3 1/2 years longer than was realistically healthy out of a weird sense of obligation, and a complete lack of understanding about what I was entitled to. I never back down, I am a fighter, but I was fighting for the wrong things. I was miserable, withdrawn, repressing myself, and constantly frustrated because while I would not consciously acknowledge what was wrong, my subconscious knew, and it wouldn’t let me rest.

Since the relationship ended, I have surrounded myself with the things that I enjoy and the people that I enjoy being with. I have moulded my life into the shape I want it to be – a celebration of all of the things that I want, and what I want to be. I trust that who I am now is good enough, and all the things that make me ME are good enough, and if they are not good enough for anyone else, then that other person is not someone who I need to be around. I have cut out the things and the people that were weighing me down. No stress, no anger, no frustration. I can honestly think back to days over the last few years when I would scream impotently inside my head a hundred times a day, and I feel so sad for the person that I was back then.

Yes, I have had a few emotional hurdles that I have come up against in the last year, but because I went into those situations for the right reasons and with the right mindset, I have come away from them a better person for the experience.

I initially posted this as a note on Facebook to say a big thank you to each and every one of the people that I have on my friends list – they are all there because they add something to my life, and I wanted to let them all know that whether they are aware or not, that are all part of something bigger. I have decided to also post it here as a blog, because if at least one person can take something away from this, then that is a good thing.

This part is a loving message to those of you who are stuck in a bad place.

You are not stuck, trust me. You might think you are, but you are not. “You’ve made your bed, now you have to lie in it” is something I got told a lot as a child. It’s not true. In fact, it’s not just ‘not true’, it’s outright dangerous. You are entitled to make your own emergency exits as an adult, and you certainly should not spend your life punishing yourself for a bad decision that you made.

Whatever you need to do to get out might feel like the hardest thing in the world, but sometimes what you fear the most is the very thing that will set you free.

Take care of yourselves x

9 thoughts on “A strange but happy anniversary

  1. nakularora

    This was fun to read.. You have written a very honest note. It made me go back to the time i let go of a similar relationship. The year after that was so much better… 🙂

    Reply
    1. kzzinsky Post author

      I feel like a lot of people have very similar stories, which is part of the reason why I think it’s important to tell them 🙂

      Thank you 🙂

      Reply
  2. Arya

    It’s so good to read, see and hear that you’ve happy with you! That is all that matters. We talked a little about this when you came to see us a month ago. I think a lot off people have done and are still holding onto stuff out of pure obligations. It took me neighon 10 yrs to do something about what I had known was not right for me for at least 7 of those 10 years. I can truly say that I am happy and in feeling damn good! Now I won’t be the one at age 80 wishing I had done things differently. You are absolutely right; even though it seemed like the hardest thing to do, you eventually come back out so much stronger on the other side. Happy anniversary! Hugs

    Reply
  3. Malc`s

    In, and with all the sincerity I can muster, lift your quill and get to writing, Knowing you as I do and the odds and sods that have gone into making you`s , your ability to describe and translate those happenings into modern day parlance and make it want to be read is truly remarkable and outstanding, “use it or lose it” comes to mind but hey! your shout sweet, crack on X

    (PS. put the tenner under the door mat.)

    Reply

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